Dating someone who is not out of the closet
He says he can never come out, because of his religious background.I have tried to persuade him to at least tell one other person, but he gets really upset and defensive about it, and I worry that by bringing it up, I risk losing him. WAYNE, DURHAM Dear Wayne, Early in my career as a gay affirmative therapist, I would have told your boyfriend that he had to come out or lead a lifetime of depression, as this is what the research consistently shows.“I always pressured my boyfriends at times to come out because, being out, I knew it was ok and I knew that they were just afraid.But they had nothing to be afraid of,” added Snider.It hurts to see your boyfriend or girlfriend acting as if there is nothing between the two of you when other people are around.But there comes a point where you have to put that aside and be there for them and deal with the consequences as best you can.This is hardly an easy thing to do, and shouldn’t be forced.
But if you truly love and care about them, helping them through it (and not guilt tripping them) should be easy to do.
“Well speaking from personal experience, I would have to say it’s much easier to be in a relationship if the person is out, however if they aren’t then you have to value their time and know that it takes time for someone to be comfortable with who they are,” said TJ Snider, a sophomore from the Savannah College of Art and Design.
“Its not that things went wrong I would say, it was just harder to express ourselves, there was always a block that was there…
So in that sense, it shouldn’t be hard to sympathize with a girlfriend or boyfriend struggling with coming out.
My boyfriend and I are out to our families but it has been a long and difficult process.